19. A Moment of Uncertainty or I Am The Luna Chapter 97 By Moonlight Muse
ZAIA.
I know I should have listened to him, but I truly believed I was doing the right thing. I honestly didn’t think things would end up this bad. The festering thoughts aren’t easing up, and I feel mentally exhausted.
“Go with him. Show Atticus his room. I’ll clean this up. “I tell Valerie gently. She’s shaken by it all, and I know she’s going through a lot. I hope she at least realises she does love him.
Everyone deserves a second chance, right?
She nods and I give her a smile, watching Atticus lift him carefully. “You did amazingly. Now go with him.” I whisper to her.
She’s about to say something, but instead, she simply smiles and nods before she helps Atticus with Jai, supporting his head. She’s got blood in her hair and over her clothes, but like me, she has far bigger things to be concerned about.
They leave the room and my smile fades as I slowly drop into one of the chairs, my face falling. No longer able to keep the mask of strength on my face.
Everything went wrong tonight… This was not what I was expecting to happen.
I wanted to make things right between the rogues and us, to prove that they were just like us… But they’re not, and the painful truth is they don’t like us and never wanted to create an alliance of peace.
Then Jai, Jai shouldn’t have gotten hurt He almost died because of me… How many more people’s lives will I be responsible for in the war that I have created?
I’m terrified. Terrified of what I can possibly do… I killed someone with no hesitation and the most chilling part is, I know I’ll do it all over again if I have to. I look down at my blood-covered hands. Look at the blood behind my fingernails…
Who am I becoming?
Do I even recognise myself?
Is Sebastian hating what I’m becoming?
I’m pathetic, aren’t I? I wanted him to pull me into his arms and tell me it’s going to be ok… or simply just an embrace, glad that I am home, and safe. But instead, he turned his back on me.
I place my head in my hands, brushing my hair back as I try to pull myself from my spiralling thoughts.
My eyes sting with tears but I can’t cry. There’s so much I need to do and to explain to Sebastian….
“Zaia…”
I look up when Atticus enters the room and I quickly sit up looking away as I try to compose myself.
“Hey…”
“Jai’s settled in his room. Valerie has given him something for the pain for when he wakes up. I’m going to head home.”
“No Atticus. Stay, you need rest and it’s not safe.” I say quietly.
“My men are here.” He reassures me.
They were the ones who helped us escape and stopped those wolves that refused to pledge their allegiance to me. Even the rogues had run, clearly fearing their lives. It’s all a mess. I will have to go there and figure out how I’ll protect them.
“How many did we lose?” I ask softly. He looks down, smiling slightly, but it’s something I realise is a reflex to hide his real emotions. “Seven.” He says softly. There’s a sadness in his eyes and although he’s trying to act ok, I know he’s not.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
Did they have families? Children? Parents?
More deaths…
“It’s alright, this is war, and my pack is ready.” He kneels before me and gives my shoulder a squeeze.
“Zaia, you did what you thought was right. We all misjudge situations. You were incredible out there. I’m damn proud of you. Who would have thought the pregnant woman seeking a home in my pack would become this goddess? You are incredible, Red.”
He brushes my hair back, and I nod.
“Thank you,” I say before he stands up and takes his leave. The words are comforting… but they didn’t come from the man I needed them to come from…
Standing up, I get to cleaning up the blood. Once everything is done and I have rolled the rug away, not wanting the children to see any signs of this tomorrow, I mop the entire floor. Finally, the smell of blood has eased up, replaced by the citrus smell of the cleaning detergent.
I’m still wearing the sweatpants and shirt we had in the getaway car, and I’m still covered in blood. I need a bath Once everything is clean and I’ve disposed of the bloody clothes and towels, I head upstairs. I pop into the children’s room, they’re both fast asleep and I smile softly, feeling warmth fill my heart and I gently caress their hair, about to kiss them when I remember I’m still dirty.
They make me feel stronger. I fuss with the blankets before I gently check Sia’s pulse, frowning. It’s irregular…
She stirs slightly before turning onto her back and I gaze down at her, wishing all her pain and illness were my own.
You will be ok, my angel. We are going to make you better. I peck them ever so lightly, not wanting to get this filthy blood on them and then leave the room glancing at my bedroom door.
I feel nervous. I’m not sure Sebastian is in there, but if he is… he’s going to be angry. I enter the room, and the first thing that hits me is the smell of smoke. Then I see him standing there. He’s only in a pair of sweatpants and he’s freshly showered.
He looks as handsome and sexy as ever as he leans against the wall with a cigarette in his hands; he rarely smokes There’s a deep frown on his face and I don’t know what to say. I walk to my suitcase and take out some yoga pants and a tank top and head to the bathroom to shower.
“So, you won’t address that you fucked up. “He says when I’m about to step into the bathroom, making me pause.
I look over at him, feeling as if I’ve just been punched in the gut.
“I know I made a mistake, but I also handled it in the best way I possibly could. I’m trying.” I reply quietly. I don’t want to argue, not tonight…
The memory of Olivan’s life fading before my eyes replays in my mind and the way I mercilessly flung his heart into the woods. I swallow as I look at the man I love.
“Can we do this tomorrow? I’m tired.” I say softly.
I just… want to be held.
“No. We’re doing this now. I gave you a clear warning, Zaia, a fucking warning not to go anywhere with them and you did just that.” He says as he advances on me. Our eyes meet and I’m just staring back into a pair of cold, piercing blue.
“I did, and like I said, I messed up, I admit that.”
We can’t argue… not when I know where you stand in this twisted play of destiny and fate.
“You could have cost Jai his life. Your recklessness and your ego- “Please stop.” I plead quietly. My heart is thundering, and I look up at him. “I don’t need this right now.”
I just want you to hold me. He looks down at me,
“Zaia-”
“Please.” I’m all but begging and when he looks into my eyes, his soften. There’s regret, guilt, pain and so much more in them as he grabs me by my arm and yanks me close, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
My breath hitches as I close my eyes, sinking into his embrace. Sparks course through me, but more than that it’s the warmth and power of his embrace that cocoon me in this blanket of safety and happiness.
I wrap my arms tightly around his waist, never wanting to let go. His heart is thudding hard and so is mine as I hold on tight, as if he might just slip away. That maybe this is all a dream and I’m going to lose him… all over again.
The tears trickle down my cheeks as he kisses the top of my dirty head.
“Hey… don’t cry.” His voice is quiet yet soft.
‘I killed him without any hesitation.’ I whisper through the bond. ‘I wanted him dead for his betrayal.’
‘And there is nothing wrong with that. You followed your instincts, nothing more. He wasn’t a good person, and he tricked you. You simply did what you had to.’ His voice is softer now, soothing yet strong, and I’m unable to hold back the small sob that escapes me. The weight of the evening coming crashing down on me.
“I declared war, Bastien… I’m sick of it all. I-I want to find them and end this once and for all. They can’t keep terrorising us!” I say, frustrated as I step back slowly.
His hands brush my arms as he holds onto me loosely.
“Moon Dust… if we had that… maybe we could find them.” He murmurs. Our eyes meet and I ponder on those words curiously.
Moon Dust…
He wipes my tears away and I look at the slight scuffs of blood that I’ve transferred onto his sexy body.
“Sorry, I got you dirty. I’m sorry that I’m fucking up, but I promise you, I’ll try harder.” I whisper, wishing he understood that I really am trying my best.
“You are doing great, Little Fox, I just overreacted.” He exhales and closes his eyes for a moment. “We have all made wrong decisions at some point in our lives and we will continue to do so. But you handled it perfectly.”
It’s all I need… his reassurance, even if he doesn’t think that knowing that he has my back means the world.
“I was just worried. Don’t let my words get to you,” he says quietly.
How do I not?
I nod. “Yeah, I know… as long as I have you,” I murmur softly. My heart races as those words slip from my lips before I can stop myself. Unable to keep how vulnerable I feel inside.
“Zaia.” His voice is sharper as he takes my chin in his fingertips and forces me to look up at him. “Don’t think like that. It’s not like you. You’ve never needed me. You are an Alpha.”
No, it is me. Even the strongest person needs a shoulder to lean on.
“I do need you, Bastian, we need to stand by each other’s side as a team. Why do you keep saying things like that lately? Like I don’t need you or something?” I ask. I know I’m overly emotional right now, but his words keep terrifying me.
“You also said the same.” He responds quietly, sending a pang of pain through my chest.
“No, I never meant it like that.”
He doesn’t respond and instead cups my face before he leans down and kisses me. Tingles of pleasure dance through me and I melt into his touch, a touch that calms and soothes me.
Lifting some of the weight that burdens me, and I grip his neck, tugging him closer as I press my body against his, yearning for so much more…
My breath hitches when his tongue trails over my lips. Slow… sensual, yet fuelled by something deeper than passion…
Suddenly, the sound of my phone ringing makes us both break away and turn towards it. I wonder who is ringing so late.
“Justin…” I frown as I walk over to answer it.
“Answer it,” Sebastian says as I stare down at the phone.
I nod, taking the call as he smokes his cigarette.
“Justin, what is it?” I ask.
“I have bad news. There was a security breach, Alpha. Gerard King has been taken.”
