SEBASTIAN. The first words my son says to me are of my failure to my family, a reminder that no matter what, this is a time period they will always look back on and know I was not here.
The intense emotions I’m feeling being in the same room as them for the first time make me want to pull the three of them into my arms and never let go.
I want to hug them, kiss them, apologise to them, make them laugh, play with them, wipe away their tears and promise I’ll always take care of them. Is this the love of a father? I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.
I love them; I love them so damn much. For the first time since they were born, we’re together, but I can’t simply pull them into my arms and promise them that from this day on everything will be alright. I am going to do my best to make up for the lost time.
They may only be three years old, but they are still old enough to understand everything. Zion’s question is proof of that. Zaia instantly moves forward, kneeling beside Zion as she holds our daughter.
“Zion, that’s because-” she begins, but I cut her off, placing a hand on her arm. Her heart skips a beat as our eyes meet, a questioning one in hers.
“I’m sorry son, but I hurt your Mommy and made her sad, so she decided to go away and take care of you where she knew you would be safe and happy,” ,”I explain, that lump in my throat going.
Zaia looks at me sharply, and I know she’s about to argue with me when I give her a look and shake my head.
“Let me handle this,” I say quietly. I know it’s been on her mind, but I can’t let the kids blame her for this. I was the one who messed everything up. The way I handled things was wrong.
Zion’s looking at me as he tries to remain brave and I reach out for his hands again and as much as I want to pull them into my arms and hug them both, I need them to be the ones to take the step willingly.
I clear my throat as silently as possible as I watch my son observe my hands.
“What did you do?” He asks curiously. His blue eyes remind me of mine, and I can’t help but smile faintly.
He’s a smart little one, he gets that from his Mom.
“I hurt her feelings. I lied about things, and I broke her heart, but I promise I won’t do that anymore. Ever. I will always take care of all three of you. From here on I will never hurt your Mommy again and I will make up for the hurt I’ve caused her… Deal champ?” I say.
There are things I can never replace. The pain I dealt her will always be something I’ll regret. There is no way I can forgive myself for that, even though I hope one day she’ll be able to forgive me.
He looks at Zaia, but I refuse to, knowing it’ll only mess with my emotions even more. I want her so damn much, but I don’t understand what she truly wants.
I love her with everything I have. I want her in my arms. I want to wake up to her by my side and fall asleep with her in my arms every night of my life.
I know she’s still struggling with the past and I am willing to give her the time she needs. I just wish I understood what is going on in that mind of hers a little more.
I look at Zion, who is deep in thought as he ponders over what I have said. My arms are throbbing from being stretched out for this long. The jarring pain up my back and in my leg threatens to topple me over at any minute, but I am not about to let my body give in, in front of my children.
He looks at Zaia once more before he turns to me and nods.
“Deal!” He says before he steps forward and flings his arms around my neck, almost sending me backwards. 2
My heart hammers as he holds onto me tightly, his heart beating strongly, and I close my eyes, trying to hold myself together as I catch him.
My son. I wrap my arms around him tighter, rocking him gently.
This is my son.
I kiss the side and top of his head. I promise I will protect the three of you with all I have. This time, I won’t give her an excuse to be upset.
I close my eyes for a moment, burning his scent into my mind. The feel of his hold, the rhythm of his heartbeat. Zion Toussaint-King future Alpha of the Dark Hollow Falls Pack.
Our son. He’s already an Alpha ready to protect his mother despite his tender age.
I look across at Zaia, who’s crying silently as she hugs Sia, wanting to wipe those tears from her cheek. My gaze dips to the back of our daughter’s little head of beautiful dark copper curls.
My princess.
My eyes meet Zaia’s and she nods slowly as she begins to move Sia away from herself.
“Sia? I say softly.
I hear a small gasp as she clamps her hands over her mouth. The sound of her thumping heart reaches my ears, but a flicker of worry rushes through me when I hear her heart rate dip a little.
It’s irregular…
Fear and concern flood me, and I remember Zaia telling me about her not being well.
I watch as she kisses her cheek softly.” Sia… Baby, look, it’s Daddy,” Zaia whispers gently, placing her on the floor. Her gorgeous hair slips from behind her ear, curtaining her face.
She’s about to tuck it back, but I reach over, brushing it back. She looks up at me, her heart skipping a beat, but this moment is not ours – it’s our children’s.
We both turn back to Sia, who has her head bent shyly.
Zion moves back slightly, but he still holds onto me as he looks at his sister, who now turns ‘slowly towards us.
Tears glitter in her gorgeous grey eyes. She’s beautiful. The innocence on her face makes me want to shield her away from the world forever.
“Hey there, Princess.” I say softly, my eyes stinging as I try to contain my own emotions. Her lips quiver before she bursts into tears.
“Daddy….” she whimpers as she rubs her eyes. I reach for her, pulling her into my arms and hug her tightly, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back comfortingly.
She’s far smaller than Zion and between her sobs, she gasps a few times, as if trying to get her breath back.
“I’m right here, and I’m always going to be around, Princess. Always. So, no tears, alright?” I say, trying to control my own.
I’m not one to cry, but this moment has overwhelmed me far more than I could ever have imagined.
She looks up at me and nods as she struggles to calm herself. I plant a soft kiss on her forehead, and she begins giggling, tears still streaming down her cheeks.
“Daddy’s beard is tickly!” She exclaims softly, making Zion and Zaia chuckle.
I can’t help but smile at that and she looks up at me, the smile on her face lighting up my world and I realise this is it; this is how Zaia has had the strength to carry on.
These two.
“It is, isn’t it?” I say, slowly adjusting my position and sitting on the floor. I lean back against the bed as I tug both into my lap.
There’s so much I want to ask them, so much I want to promise them, so much I want to know, but right now I’m unable to do any of it but simply hold them and cherish the moment.
Zion is smiling as he rests his head against me, trying not to appear too happy, whilst Sia is looking up at me, her eyes full of adoration. I chuckle lightly, kissing her button nose before ruffling Zion’s hair.
“I like Daddy!” Sia says, looking at Zaia, who is sitting opposite me, looking the vision of beauty and perfection.”Do you now?” Zaia says as Sia looks up at me and nods.
“I do.” She says happily.
“And I love you both.” I reply, hugging
them both.
“And what about Mommy?” Sia asks innocently as Zion’s head snaps up to observe me sharply.
I look up slowly and my eyes meet Zaia’s, reminding me of a deer caught in headlights, her heart pounding and I can’t help but tilt my head and smirk.
“I loved her first. I have always loved her and I still love her as much as I did when I first made her mine.” I say quietly.
Her eyes widen, a beautiful blush coating her cheeks as the kids giggle innocently.
It isn’t a lie, because I will love this woman until the very end. I smirk as I raise my eyebrows at her.” Won’t you join our hug, Little Fox?” I say, making her blush deepen.
“Little Fox? Is Mommy a fox!” Zion says before bursting into laughter as Sia holds her arms out.
“Come here, Mommy!” she says.
Zaia shakes her head as she crawls over to us. She sits beside me, and I let go of Sia, allowing her to wrap her arms around our princess, and I wrap my arms around Zaia, kissing the top of her head. Her scent making me inhale.
She’s beautiful.
I can feel Zion’s gaze burning into me and I look at him, pulling him tighter into our family hug.
This one is going to keep me on my toes.
“Mommy… Do you love Daddy?” Zion asks and I can’t help smirk.
Seems like I’m not the only one he will target.
“Do you?” I ask Zaia, who is now staring between us. “You two are so alike!” She says, and I cock an eyebrow arrogantly.
“Thank you… now how about you answer that question?” I suggest.
She looks at Zion, her heart thundering as she nods. “I do… I always will…”
My breath catches, I wasn’t expecting that…
She looks up slowly, gorgeous amethyst meeting blue, but for once I have nothing to say, her reply rendering me speechless.
