#Chapter 420 – Thanks, but No Thanks
Ella
I’m quite tired when evening approaches in the refugee camp and Cora comes to my side, placing a hand on my back and telling me that we should probably head home. I sigh, looking around, knowing that I can do more but…
“I get it, Ells,” she says, looking around with me. “But there’s only so much we can do. And you’re a queen and a mom as much as a healer now. You’ve got to find a balance.”
“Is it normal to feel guilty?” I ask my sister, who has been working to heal people for much longer than I have. ” When you prioritize yourself, and other things, even though you know you can help people who are suffering?”
“It is,” Cora says with a little sigh. ”
But you, my big-hearted sister, probably feel it more keenly than most.
“Yeah,” I say, glancing over at Hank. ” He, for instance, compartmentalizes well.”
“Don’t count Hank out,” she says softly, shaking her head. “He’s got a big heart too. Maybe just…hides it better.”
I turn my head a little, considering him, considering her point. And then my heart aches for him again as I think of how disappointed he was when Cora left him for her mate – because as much as he loved her, we know now that he never stood a chance. Cora and Roger were written in the stars.
But is there someone out there for Hank too?
I hope, quite desperately, that there is. He’s so good, and he deserves that, like the rest of us.
“Ready, Luna?” Conner asks, coming over and bringing my baby with him, who reaches for me with his little grasping hands.
“Sure am!” I say, taking my baby and cuddling him close. Cora laughs and leans in as well, fussing over Rafe and I can see thinking about her own little baby, who will be here so much sooner than she realizes. Together, we start to walk out of the tent, but as I turn I hear a little voice calling me back.
“Hey, wolf lady!” a little boy calls, and I turn and laugh to see little Benny running for me.
“Well hey,” I say, falling to one knee and wrapping him in a hug as he runs over. “How are you feeling, Bens?”
“It’s Benny,” he corrects with a little frown, making me smile as he adjusts a set of glasses on his nose. Then, he peers down at Rafe. “Is this your baby?”
“Yup,” I say, turning Rafe a little so Benny can see him better. “What do you think of him?”
“I think he’s fat,” Benny murmurs, reaching out a hand to poke Rafe’s belly. I burst out laughing at this, honestly charmed. “He’s not fat, he’s a baby! They’re supposed to be chubby so that they can grow big and strong.”
“Well,” Benny says, his eyes going wide as they’re still fastened on Rafe. ” This one’s gonna be real big and strong, then.”
I laugh again, harder this time as Cora crouches down next to us. “Who are you?” Benny asks, looking Cora up and down.
Cora introduces herself as my sister and Benny narrows his eyes at her. ” Oh,” he says. “Are you the human one?”
“Yes,” she replies, her eyebrows going up. “Does my reputation proceed me?”
“Um, I don’t know what that means,” Benny replies, blinking at her and making me laugh again, “but she told me she has a human sister,” he continues, nodding towards me. “So, you can’t turn into a wolf?”
“Unfortunately not,” she says, giving a little shrug. “But I’m going to have a baby soon,” she says, her hand settling on her stomach, “and he’s going to be able to do it.”
“Oh,” Benny says, his own eyebrows going up now. Then he takes a moment to think before speaking again. “Does that mean he’s going to be fat too?”
I burst into real laughter at this, falling back a little with the force of it so that Cora has to reach out a hand and steady me as she grins between us.
“I don’t know,” Cora says, grinning at Benny, as delighted as I am. “I guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?”
“Hey, Benny,” Isabel says, coming to stand by his side and offering her hand. “You know you’re not supposed to sneak out of bed – Dr. Hank said two more days of bed rest before you’re cleared to go to the children’s home.”
“Dr. Hank is fulla soup!” Benny says, crossing his arms and frowning up at Isabel. The sincere disbelief and frustration in this kid set me off laughing again and Benny turns to grin at me. He takes Isabel’s hand, though. ” I don’t feel sick at all, since the lady came yesterday!” he protests, pointing at me. “I should be allowed to go and find my mom!”
My laughter dies a little as he mentions his mother again, but I do my best not to let it show in my face.
“I know, kid,” Isabel says, grinning down at him and giving me a wink. ” Maybe we’ll have Dr. Hank come and look at you again, see if you can’t go tomorrow.”
Satisfied with this, Benny nods and consents to be led back to bed, calling his goodbyes to us over his shoulder.
I stand up with Cora, sighing and watching him go.
“He reminds me of you,” she says, and I look over at her in surprise to see a big grin on her face as she watches the little boy get tucked back into his bed.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she says, turning to me with a smile. “So full of life, ready to question everything even though the world has delt him a tough hand. He’s got Ella Reina vibes for sure.”
I purse my lips together, trying not to let my sincere pleasure show on my face at the compliment. Because even if Cora meant it as a compliment for Benny…well, he’s just so damn cute, and vivid, and determined that I can’t help but be pleased with the idea that I am anything like him.
“Oh geeze,” Cora says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and turning Rafe and I towards the entrance to the tent.
“What!?” I protest, confused.
“Let’s get you out of here,” she murmurs. “Before you start adopting kids.”
And I laugh but…I don’t really protest.
Because, as a former orphan myself? I know how important it is for these children to find homes and families that love them. And I certainly have enough love in my heart to make that a reality for a kid like I used to be, a kid like Benny.
I just…wonder what Sinclair would think of the idea. Even just hypothetically. I’m still wondering on it when Cora nudges me with her elbow as we pass through the gates of the camp.
“Hmm?” I ask, inviting her to tell me what she’s thinking.
“I know we’ve kind of left it off the table for a bit, Ella,” she says, looking over at me seriously. “But…I wanted to talk to you about all of this wedding business.”
“Oh!” I say, my eyes going wide and eager. And then I laugh, shaking my head as Conner opens the back door of the car for me. I murmur my thanks to him and begin to strap Rafe into his car seat as Cora goes around to the other side. “Honestly, I’m glad you remembered, Cora – because I honestly keep forgetting to talk to you about it amongst everything else that’s been on our plates the past few days. But Sinclair is really excited about it! He thinks it’s important!”
Cora bites her lip a little as we close our doors and buckle ourselves in.
“Oh no,” I say, seeing her expression and reaching for her hand over top of Rafe’s carrier. “Oh, Cora, you don’t want to do it?”
“It’s not that I don’t see the importance of it, Ella,” she says, shaking her head a little as she takes my hand. “Or that I’m not grateful for you and Sinclair for offering this to us but…” she sighs and I hold her gaze as Conner begins to drive us home. ” Honestly, Ella, I know I’ve never talked about getting married before, and that this whole idea of a mating ceremony for me is incredibly new, but…it’s more important to me than I thought it would be.”
I nod, understanding, listening.
“And,” she continues, “I…I want something that really reflects me and Roger. That’s small, and intimate, and feels…special to us. Not…like a spectacle for the whole nation.”
“I understand,” I say, softly. Because as wonderful as my own big ceremony was for me, it really was just for me. And Cora, I know, has been waiting for just the right moment for Roger to give her his mark – she really wants it to be right.
“But I don’t want to disappoint you,” Cora says, looking up at me with worried eyes.
