We hit a bump in the road that brings me out of that happy memory.
“Hang on. The rest of the ride is going to be rough. We usually run out here.” Nickolas’ gruff voice carries back as we slow down slightly to accommodate the dips and bumps in the trail.
“Why not make us run then? I don’t understand why we are being driven in if that isn’t the norm.”
I don’t mean to sound like a teenager, but frankly I am and my anger at my situation, the way some of the trainers and some of the warriors view me and my position here, while better than when I started still isn’t the best and it’s pissing me off. But I can’t blame them either. When I’m supposed to be doing the same things as everyone else, told what to expect, but not a minute later someone is trying to intervene and make something more comfortable and change the directive we were all given, but the change is only for me. It’s bullsh*t and I’m over it.
“I don’t understand the motive here. Do you and the mission team think we’re too weak to do this and want to prove that by making us take a car? You clearly don’t want us here. Audrina and her idiot cronies think that I’m sleeping with all of you to keep my place here, thanks to the perceived special treatment. Even though all of you have a brand that should make that physically impossible. I just wish someone would explain what the hell is going on already and give me real expectations.” I rub my face and take a deep breath to try and calm down. “If I’m not ready, or if you think I should go home, then send me home.”
“Do you want to leave?” His voice sounds too hopeful.
I scowl at him in the rearview. “Of course not.” Now both me and my wolf are irritated, which is not a good combination. “That truly is a stupid question and shows you know nothing about me at all. This is the one thing I have worked for. The only thing I have ever wanted for myself. The one thing that I chose, with no outside influence. The one thing I am good at. I need to be here, but that doesn’t mean I have to be here now if my age or inexperience or whatever the hell is going on is a problem. I’m here to get better, not ruin everyone’s chances by being a distraction.” I finish by rolling my eyes and look out the window at nothing now that the darkness has fully taken over in the 45 minute drive.
Mina is tense next to me. She knows a little of what has gone on with me, but I try to keep what happened in my past, back home, tucked away in a tight little corner of my mind. I am here now, away from all of that sh*t and I really want it to stay that way, but I can’t seem to get people to see past my physical presence. My age and my size will always be a problem, no matter what I do. I get that now. I just have to continue to be more. I have to work more, study more, prepare more, show up more. It’s the only thing I can control.
I hope when I get my brand some of the emotions surrounding these thoughts are tamped down, cause I am so tired of the emotional roller coaster. Nickolas growls in his chest. Good, at least he feels some of the irritation that I do.
“You have to understand. All the trainers are aware of you and your affiliation with the Alpha King…”
Oh hell no! I cut him off. “I’m going to stop you right there.” I raise my hand up. “You don’t give Xander the same porcelain doll treatment, and he’s the next in line to be king! So rethink your argument.”
He grunts again. “You’re right, I don’t want you on this mission, I have a bad feeling about it. I have since we started it. I can’t explain it, so I’m not going to try since you have a death wish anyway.” He just leaves it at that answer finish the drive in silence.
