57. An Understanding ZAIA. or I Am The Luna Chapter 135 By Moonlight Muse
His acceptance of my decision feels like a wave of serenity washing over me. My lungs no longer feel like the air is being squeezed from them.
I can finally breathe, finally try to move on from the torment of my own mind. I need to heal before I can even consider being with another.
His brokén promises and betrayal feel like he had cut a wound to the very core of my being.
It’s as if the ground beneath me had suddenly given way, leaving me in a state of shock and disbelief. Those were emotions I can’t forget, even when I truly want to.
The pain was sharp and unexpected, and when I had clung to the hope that this time, he would not betray me, believing and trusting him implicitly, he broke me.
We now gaze into one another’s eyes, and I find myself engulfed in a whirlwind of emotions – hurt, sadness, guilt – but above them all there is a sense of profound peace that is hard to articulate.
I feel guilty, knowing why he did what he did, hurt because despite it I had suffered greatly and the sadness that I feel deep inside that no matter what, in the end, I must always prepare to be alone. That I should never have looked to another for support and protection because the only person who will not leave you is yourself.
I may love Sebastian, but in the end, when I needed him the most, he cast me aside like I meant nothing more than the clothes he wears. I know he loves me, but love is not always enough. I need to heal the wound that is bleeding within me, and only then can I be happy. 123
Grappling with this new reality, I question my own judgment and the choices that led me here. Trust, once given so freely, now feels like a dangerous gamble, and I can no longer play that game. I’m done being dealt the losing hand.
I’ll be deemed selfish, but I’m ok… I know what I have done for others and for everyone around me. I know the love I feel for those important to me, for my packs and my people, but for myself, I am ready to be selfish because they aren’t the ones in my shoes. I’m the one living with the constant reminder that I was never enough. When I am. I should be.
A soft wind blows as I gaze into those piercing blue eyes that captured my heart from the first time that I saw him. He had caught me hook, line and sinker from that day and even now I still love him.
But he let me believe I could trust him when I couldn’t entirely. Trust is something that is taken for granted until you’ve lost it, and I gave him all of it, twice…
Just the same as love, that was another thing I gave him willingly, only for him to show me how easily love could break someone.
But if love feels this broken, this pain that it hurts to breathe, is it truly love or just some hope we all have? We all wish desperately for that one person that truly sees past the façades we all put up.
Wishing for that one person who sees through the smile that is pained. Sees past our flaws and still loves us because we are theirs.
I don’t know what hurts more, the betrayal of trust broken or losing the hope of a future that he led me to believe could be ours when in reality, it was doomed to end in heartbreak.
Maybe one day I will see things differently, maybe one day it won’t hurt so much, maybe one day I will no longer yearn for him or maybe one day I will realise he is my destination… and I will await that day.
“Thank you. Sebastian,” I say quietly, knowing that if he continues to chase me, it will only make it harder for me.
“No need to thank me, Alpha Zaia,” he replies in that sexy raspy voice.
I smile slightly and he glances down at my stomach, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. “Will you at least let me see the children and be there when this one is born?” he asks quietly.
“I don’t-”
“I missed the other’s births… I don’t want to do the same with this one.”
“You can be in the hall outside the birthing room when the time comes,” I say with a small smile. 7
“Excellent. Then it’s a date.”
I cock a brow, and he smirks. “Ok, not a date.”
“Better.” I smile as a sharp wind whips my hair across my face, he’s about to reach for. it before swiftly moving his hand back and shoving it in his pocket and I slowly move mine back.
“I did have a question, it doesn’t really mean much, but it’s always niggling in my mind. It’s regarding you and Annalise.”
He cocks a brow. “Go for it.”
“How serious was your relationship, she made it seem like you two were practically ready to get married… but you never really said anything.”
Now that I’ve asked it, I feel uncomfortable and feel it’s something so small it’s not even important.
“I never said anything because there was never anything to say. I took her to a few work meetings, but that was about it. There was nothing beyond a few kisses and even those were initiated by her,” he replies, his voice cold.
And all these years I thought there was more… “And this is why speaking and sharing your thoughts is so vital,” I murmur, sighing as I gaze up at the sky.
I feel content and at peace. Maybe when I leave, I will have days where I will miss him. There are days when I wonder if this is what I want, but it is the right decision for me.
Turning, I smile up at him. “Well, thank you. Shall we get back inside and see whose dad is kicking whose butt?” I laugh softly.
He smirks. “Dad is good at chess. Us Kings are.”
“Oh?” I tease as we walk to the door. Opening it, he holds it open for me.
“Yes,” he replies in the same mocking tone.
“Well then, you have not met a Toussaint,” I counter, gasping when he grasps my arm and spins me around.
“Actually, I have… and she’s the king of kings. You’re right… A Toussaint will always trump a King.”
My heart thuds as I gaze into those eyes.
Yes. This is the Sebastian I fell for and who knows, maybe one day… one day we might just rejoin our broken bond.
