25. A Broken Heart ZAIA. or I Am The Luna Chapter 103 By Moonlight Muse
Please say this is a lie…
His words through the phone echo in my mind, making everything else fade away. “Zaia!” Annette’s distant shout echoes in my mind as I fall to my knees, broken.
Sebastian left me.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I clutch my chest. The pain I feel is far worse than anything I have felt in my life. Far more excruciating than when he rejected me years ago.
It hurts so much… my heartbeat is ringing in my ear, along with the shrill whistling sound that makes my head want to explode.
I cannot breathe.
Sebastian…
“Why!” I scream as I stare ahead, unseeing.
Flashes of our moments together flood my mind but all I can focus on is him. The signs were there, the way he was behaving… how long had he been planning to do this?
I thought we were a team. I told him I needed him. Why?
Will I never just be enough to keep him happy? Sobs wrack my body and I feel like I’ve lost everything. The threads of my life had begun to come undone, yet I still held on… still hoped for something more.
Mom… Dad… Sebastian…
In the end, I failed. Just the way I am failing Sia and my people…
Why is the goddess doing this to us?
“You chose the wrong one! Why?!” I scream. “If you really cared… if you’re really out there… why would you do this?” My voice breaks as I hug myself. I feel so alone… I am alone…
I was the wrong person for this. I’ve tried… tried to do my best, but I’m not doing enough…
Why did you make us for one another if your only aim was to rip us apart and crush my strength? Despite everything, he gave me the strength to continue. Why did I allow myself to fall for him again? Why did I unwrap my damaged heart for him?
He was my strength… he was the one who I had learned to forgive and not only did I fall for him again; I fell for him all over again.
I don’t want to feel this pain…
I clamp my hands over my mouth, rocking myself as I try to pull myself together, but I can’t. He’s destroyed me… Destroyed the trust I had in him. Sobbing, I clutch at my aching heart, hurting so badly.
“Red…” Strong arms wrap around me, pulling me against a firm chest. “He left me… again,” I whisper, a fresh wave of tears running down my cheeks. “I can’t tired…” cope anymore. I’m tired, I’m so
“It’s going to be ok. We’re going to figure this out…”
How?
So many times I felt like he was saying goodbye…
Last night… he was saying goodbye, wasn’t he?
Mom… she’s gone too.
Dad…
I grip my head as it squeezes in pain. My claws are out and my eyes blaze with my emotions.
“Zaia! Zaia, look at me!”
Someone forces my head to the right, and I think it’s Atticus, but it’s becoming dark. “Sebastian, I want to talk to him. He needs to know that there are other options.” I plead through my tears. One last try… because I didn’t give Mom a chance…
‘SEBASTIAN! If you can hear me, please please listen!’
I’m met with nothing but a wall and I cry out in desperation.
“Zaia…” Atticus’s voice fades away as my vision begins to spin and then, everything becomes blissfully dark…
Night has fallen and I’m sitting on my bed, exhausted yet unable to sleep, in pain yet unable to feel it. Betrayed, yet unable to comprehend it.
How do I recover?
I hate showing the kids how I feel, but today I was unable to hold my tears back as I hugged and kissed my babies, breaking into tears.
They are my strength; they are the only strength I need, but how do I tell them their dad has left them once again?
In the darkness of my bedroom, despite being alone, my thoughts don’t relent. Self-doubt, self-blame, guilt, sorrow, pain, betrayal…
And despite the storm within me, the only thing I know is, I failed. Failed everyone and everything…
Sebastian is truly gone.
Mom is dead.
Dad is missing.
These are the facts that keep hammering at my soul.
I’m a failure…
Atticus was the one to find me and bring me home… once again, he’s the one who was there to pick me up after the man I loved destroyed me.
Why does love exist? Why does the mate bond exist when it only gives others the power to destroy us?
My heart hurts…
There’s a knock on the door, and I don’t move when it opens. There are three of them, and Valerie is holding a tray of drinks.
“We thought you might need a little pick me up.” She says softly as she comes over, placing the tray down and kissing my forehead. I turn away, my eyes stinging as I stare out through the open window at the moon above. Nothing can fix this…
They enter and Atticus leaves the door open a crack, murmuring something about the children being asleep. He sits on the floor beside the bed, stretching his legs out, but I know he’s concerned.
Tonight… I was unable to hide my emotions from anyone. Even my babies. I am an awful mother. I can’t even give them the best life they deserve and Sebastian… I wasn’t good enough for him….
Jai sits beside me, wrapping his arms around me, but I don’t want anyone to touch me. I just want to be left alone.
The fatigue I feel is clawing inside of me, but I refuse to let myself fall into an endless abyss of pain and doom. “Come on, where’s that beautiful smile that we all melt over?” Jai says, wiping away my tears.
I don’t respond, as Valerie laughs gently. “It’s hiding for a bit, but it’ll show through soon. Here Zaia.” she offers me a chocolate muffin but I shake my head, refusing it.
Was I put here simply to fulfil the goddess’s wishes? Her mission for her people… is that it? Do I not deserve anything else?
I pull free from Jai’s hold and wrap my arms around my knees, refusing the mug of hot chocolate that Valerie offers me. “It’s hot chocolate?” she whispers gently.
I shake my head, turning away.
“You haven’t eaten all day, Red,” Atticus says.
I don’t want anything…
Jai sighs heavily. He didn’t take Sebastian leaving well at all. How will I tell the children their father is gone? That he has left them again.
How much pain are we going to cause our babies? “So, what now?” Valerie asks the question that I know is on the minds of the others. My eyes sting with tears as I bury my head in my arms.
“We prepare… with Sebastian on their side, it means he knows the ins and outs of this pack better than anyone,” Atticus says quietly.
“They won’t attack,” Valerie says.
“He is one of them. He might.” I reply emotionlessly. “Let’s think about this tomorrow,” Jai says, and I can feel his eyes on me.
“The wicked don’t rest… so neither will we,” I reply quietly.
My heart may feel dead, but somehow… Somehow there’s that tiny flame inside of me that refuses to die out….
“Prepare to combine the Crystal Shadow Pack and the Dark Hollow Falls Pack. With Dad missing, I am the next in line… I know he’s alive because I haven’t felt a power shift.” I say.
“What about your brother? Can there be a chance that he could be the next in line-”
“No, Dad and I have already completed the ritual that would make me his heir. He is alive. I don’t know where, but I will find him.” I say firmly, now looking up.
My heart is heavy, broken, and in pain. But the world won’t stop for me. “Zaia are you sure you’re, ok?” Atticus asks, concerned.
“No, it would be a lie to say I am, will be,” I say quietly. but I I know I’ll have moments where I’ll break, but there are still those who need me… need my protection.
“Just take it easy for a bit,” Atticus says and I shake my head. “No, I need to organise Mom’s funeral and there’s a lot more that needs doing,” I reply.
“That’s my girl,” Valerie says with a gentle smile. “We are at war as I said… and I’m presuming they want me to fall…” I look out at the moon once more. There is a lot that must be done and the first thing I will do tomorrow is find the Moon Dust.
“You are a force to be reckoned with.” Jai whistles with a small smile. But I don’t have the heart to return it. ” Even the strongest of forces shatter… and I am far from the strongest… but I will not let them break me…”
“You are incredible, Zaia. You got this.” Valerie says, taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Mm… the first thing we need to do is work on the mind link,” I say, now looking at all three of them. “Let’s show them that the Sublime are fighters.
“Yes, let’s do it!” Jai says.
Their spirits are lifted, and I realise as long as I show them that I am fine, that it gives everyone else hope…. For them, I must keep fighting even if I’m dying inside.
Where did I fail, Bastien? Where did I lack that I lost you once again?
Because I did love you, with everything I had…
I just wish you talked to me…
But I wasn’t important enough… 12
